Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Am I Depressed?

So lately I have been kinda down. I have gotten to the point to where I don't really like going to work anymore. I don't know what is really going on. I feel myself beginning to hate the city of Atlanta while other people are just dying to get here. I really don't understand why though? Is it because maybe ATL doesn't offer me what I need in my life. I guess being around a massive amount of black gay people who try to out do each other when in reality many of them are nothing but a cloud of smoke; a mirage if you will in front of all of their friends. I don't know what is going on. ATL used to be the place I would escape to when I wanted to get away from Columbus. But now it seems as if I have no place to go when I want to escape from ATL. I mean life here just seems boring to me. There is no real culture just a lot of want to be hollywood black people and a tremendous amount of gay people in which the vast majority aren't really doing anything with their lives. Sure they are in school but for how long? And will they even finish? I mean I don't get it many people I know claim to be so broke and drive around in old cars or no car at all and yet they go to the club 3 or 4 times a week. It is just mind boggling to me sometimes.

I think that when I am done with my MBA it will be time for me to leave. I have some things that I would like to accomplish in life and ATL just won't offer that. I think that DC is where I will need to be next. Economics, Foreign Relations, and Government are very much in my heart and I think that even though I may be afraid to make the step it is time for me to break out of my comfort zone and leave. When I moved here to ATL, I made a hard break and it worked. I think that I will have to make a hard break and leave here. 

I am the only person in my friends group who knows who are the CEO's of most Fortune 100 companies. The only one who watches the stock market in relation to other economic indicators. I will actually loose my mind if I haven't read CNN, THE AJC, and the WALL STREET JOURNAL at least 3 times a day. I guess I just really have a business mind set and I need to stop holding myself back trying to be more like my friends and do what is in my heart. At the age of 25 I have progressed career wise more than a lot of my older counter parts. However I mean that is not the only measure of a person but it is a large part of the person as a whole. The next 5 years will be hard for me and I know this. Sometimes I want to break down and cry because I don't know what step I should take. I pray and I cry and I pray and I cry hoping that one day the clear decision will present itself. I look at how Jamison is progressing in life and sometimes I wish that I would have had the drive to go to Medical School like he is. But, I know what God has in store for me is for me and no man on earth can change that. Well AJ is finally almost here so we can go to the gym so I am really about to leave this time.


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