The Return

So since January I have been gone. I decided that I would come back and begin to blog again. I see that it actually can help you get some things off your chest at times. So lets start with yesterday.

Yesterday Morning I got up and went jogging. I did the normal route. Down Sidney Marcus, Piedmont, Cheshire Bridge, and finishing back up on Sidney Marcus. It was a good run. I then came to one of my good friends AJ's showered changed clothes and went to lunch with Steve. We had grilled cheese and tomato on his patio. I love his place in Inman Village.

After that I came back to AJ's and we went with his "if I can't have you no one can" friend and went to a cookout in Douglasville. As usual I was very disappointed. No cute person in site. But this has been the norm when going with this estranged person. However, there were some females there from charlotte. One in particular seemed to take a liking to me. She flirted so I flirted back and when I left I got her number. She was from Charlotte. This reminded me so much of being in Undergrad when I actually dated girls and enjoyed it. I guess since moving to ATL I have become a product of my environment. Since I am not really around many females my attraction had been gone. Do you think that your sexual preference could be due to your environment? Well anyway I enjoyed it and it made me feel very good about myself.

As we left I talked on the phone with Douglas. Douglas is such a great guy. He told me he got a job so I am excited for him.  We talked about Corey being in Puerto Rico with Parker and how we should go. I am not really sure what is up with me and Douglas. Have you ever had a friend who is just great all the way around and stands there for all of the bullshit you may have and yet stay there. I think that deep down I would like to be with Douglas but I am one of those people who value friendship so much more. I don't want to fuck up or excellent relationship as friends because I make a mistake in our relationship. Well thats still to be thought about and worked out in private with Douglas and I.

So last night AJ and I went to a card party with this guy who is 10 years my senior. We have been dating, talking, chillin, whatever you want to call it for about 2 and a half years now. It has been off and on but within the last 7 months or so it has become more consistent. My friends all have been dating these guys in the 40's and one of them is actually in a relationship now. They always tell me that me and this guy who we will call T.E. really like each other. Me being the person I am very hard and cold from my previous relationship would say nah you know we are just chillin or whatever because we have been down this road so many times. He has an issue with me being younger than him but it seems as if that has slowly or is slowly fading away. Well anyway last night we played some game with cards and money lol I won like $40 bucks. It was fun there were a lot of people there. Then some tall light skin guy came. Well I could immediately feel the tension in the house. It seemed as T.E's friend were a bit nervous because me and this guy were in the same place at the same time. 

Usually I take my clothes in my car because I would end up staying the night over. No that doesn't mean we have sex but I usually stay over and enjoy the company. Well I had to take AJ home so usually I take him home and come back but this time was different. As everyone prepared to leave T.E. hugged everyone and kinda waited around to be one of the last to walk out to see if the mysterious guy would leave. Well it was clear that he had no intentions of leaving. So I was actually hurt and upset something that I never admit. I just walked out and did not bid T.E goodbye. As AJ, and I got on the elevator a couple of T.E's friends were with us. They asked what was wrong with me. I explained that I was a little upset about a guy and that I didn't want to go out to the club I just wanted to go home and sleep. Well they may have figured out who I was talking about but I didn't care. When we walked out on the roof of the parking deck I yelled at the top of my lungs. I was so upset and hurt I could not believe it I just wanted to leave.  AJ got in the car and was like we are going to the club. As we drove down the road I was so upset rage just came. I am a strong guy and I don't show my emotions in front of people so I was just clapping my hands and hitting the dash of the car saying I was so upset. Then I started laughing. If anyone really knows me they know I laugh to cover other emotions. I then began to cry. AJ didn't know what to do. I hate to be weak in front of him. He is like my little brother and I want him to be strong so I always try to portray that for him. He held my hand and said it would be okay. 

As we drove down T.E called my phone. I said I wouldn't answer. AJ told me to answer he knew that I wouldn't answer the call. I told T.E I would call him back. Now I wasn't in control of the situation because I had to call him back. So when I called him back we talked about it and came to a conclusion. I will not divulge that conversation lol. Anyway AJ and I walked to the gas station got some Spicy Sweet Doritos and a Jolly Rancher Green Apple Pop and went back to the house. We ate it and then I went to sleep. I am still hurt by the situation and I don't know really what to do. This is the reason why I am single. Either I like someone and I am scared to let down the emotional barrier to be hurt. Or I like someone and I don't want to fuck it up by getting in a relationship and doing something wrong.

Ughh well thats a day in the life of me. Now time to do some STATS work gotta get this MBA on. 

~Smooches`