Saturday, November 7, 2009

The Meltdown

Lately I have been feeling really down and out. For the past couple of weeks I really haven't been able to put a finger on why I have been feeling this way and I still can't. Usually I try to mask my feelings by spending money. Well last night I went to the Casino and lost almost $500.00. Do I really care um not really. I had fun. I work so hard to save and I never really take anytime to do anything for myself. I got home at 7:00am and went to bed until 2:30pm. My roommate left to hangout with his friends and I am here at home. Well I am down I don't know what to do. I lit candles and listened to music. I have drank a half bottle of wine and probably will drink the rest. I am about to order a pizza and just stay in. I mean I live in a city with a mass number of guys but I still can't even seem to date anyone. I really don't know what is wrong with me besides the obvious. As I sat here drinking today I thought back to my last BF. I was never alone when I was with him. We spent time together daily. Do I miss him um I really don't know. I don't know if I miss the idea of being in a relationship or the idea of being with him. Well I guess I am going to order my pizza now and complete the rest of my wine.