Lunch With Corey

Today I had lunch with Corey. We went to Busy Bee's in the West End. I love spending time with Corey. I can say that he is a friend whom no matter what happens, he has always been there for me. Sometimes I think he doesn't realize how much I appreciate the small things he does for me, but they mean so much to me. We had a good time at lunch. When leaving, there was this guy with a woman and a kid who kept looking over at me. I thought it was odd but didn't think anything of it. When I got into my car to pull away the woman came out saying excuse me and that her friend wanted for her to give me his number. Well that was nice of him, however completely not really what I am looking for. I sometimes think that I never will ever get to have another relationship. Every since Chris and I broke up everything for me has been just flat. I mean I meet guys but they never seem to want something stable. A lot of times I miss the things that Chris and I shared. It has been almost two years now. We are two different people. I hope that he is doing well. Well I guess I will get back to reading for class now.

It's been a Minute

Wow, it has been a while since I have been on my blog. About six months now. Well over the past few months I basically have been really low key. I pretty much keep to myself. Since I have no real desire to stay here in Atlanta, I had to find something good out of the situation. So I have been focusing on my last year of my MBA in Finance, the gym, and work. Things have really been going well for me. I pretty much stay away from the scene. Sometimes I feel like I am missing out. But when I go around the masses and hear all of the rude comments people make about each other and how they degrade one another I understand why I pretty much keep it low key. Well I just wanted to give a little update. I promised myself I would start to write in here weekly at least so until then.

My Tears

Hello everyone. I have been gone for sometime. However, I think that I will start back blogging as much as I can. Well since I have been gone a lot has gone on. Primarily I tried to give dating another serious shot.

Well I met this guy through a friend and it kicked off very well. He wasn't like most guys here in Atlanta or so I thought. He was very kind and seemed to have a huge heart. Well most people know that I am not one to let people get close to me but I figured that I would give it a try.

New Years Eve. Well he was supposed to come here to Atlanta but instead got stuck working late. He was going to have to stay in his hometown which is 100 miles away. I was with my friends but I left and went down to where he was so he wouldn't be alone. It was cool we looked at TV and enjoyed each others company. The great thing about dating him is that we had a understanding that the basis of anything we did would not be sex and we would take things slow. So having said that I went to the guest room and slept the night away.

A couple of weeks had passed and we had seen each other pretty much every weekend. We talked on the phone daily several times a day it seemed to be going well. I even drove down on a monday night to surprise him at work and eat dinner just because I wanted to make him smile. Well all that seems well isn't always well.

He is also a heavy party person. As time has passed I realized that he puts partying and his other friends in front of me. I mean I can understand it sometimes but if you are trying to date me give me some effort. The first sign of disaster came about two weeks ago MLK weekend go figure huh. I was supposed to have Sunday with him since he would be with his friends and party Friday and Saturday. That was cool I am pretty flexible. Well Sunday came and I received a text at noon that he lost his phone and needed my number. Well a normal person would think if u had access to facebook you would at least talk to me through there or call me right? Wrong. I didn't hear from him for 3 days. When I finally did reach out to someone who could get in contact with me he explained he lost his phone and blah blah blah. Well I was upset, but I figured I could let this go under the rug.

Well here I am again Thursday night. I haven't heard from him since monday night. Well maybe he lost his phone again. That happens I do it all the time. BUT the thing that bothers me is that he has time to get on facebook and comment on other people's status and add videos etc but he can't send me a message. So what does this tell me? This tells me that honestly I am not that important to you. You want me to meet your family members this weekend but u can't do something as small as communicate with me? This makes no sense. My close friends say I shouldn't give up. I may be missing out on something good. Well I am tired. I tried my best. The thing that bothers me the most in life is wasting resources. In this case I feel as if I have wasted time, money, feelings, and emotions.

I think this is why many guys in Atlanta are bitter. Its hard to sort through the masses and find someone who you think you want to give a chance. Well I think I have divulged tonight. TTYL

The Meltdown

Lately I have been feeling really down and out. For the past couple of weeks I really haven't been able to put a finger on why I have been feeling this way and I still can't. Usually I try to mask my feelings by spending money. Well last night I went to the Casino and lost almost $500.00. Do I really care um not really. I had fun. I work so hard to save and I never really take anytime to do anything for myself. I got home at 7:00am and went to bed until 2:30pm. My roommate left to hangout with his friends and I am here at home. Well I am down I don't know what to do. I lit candles and listened to music. I have drank a half bottle of wine and probably will drink the rest. I am about to order a pizza and just stay in. I mean I live in a city with a mass number of guys but I still can't even seem to date anyone. I really don't know what is wrong with me besides the obvious. As I sat here drinking today I thought back to my last BF. I was never alone when I was with him. We spent time together daily. Do I miss him um I really don't know. I don't know if I miss the idea of being in a relationship or the idea of being with him. Well I guess I am going to order my pizza now and complete the rest of my wine.

Atlanta’s Quantity VS Quality Problem Part 1

So this past weekend was one of the biggest weekends that the Atlanta Community can experience. However, my close friends and I decided that we would keep away from it all and we did.

One of my associates from Philadelphia came here this weekend and pleaded to see me the whole weekend. Well I explained to him that I had no desire to be at any of the events or venues because honestly I am just not into that scene like that. I mean sure it can be fun if you want to club etc but I think that I have looked beyond the people who come (some attractive and some not) and I am taking the situation for what it is.  He was upset because he said dudes here are BS. I had to remind him that all people here aren’t BS. I mean honestly what kind of person would you expect to meet during a Pride event? This is where my mind thought to the 80/20 rule for Atlanta.

When you look at Atlanta from a far; if you are naïve you would think that you could move here and instantly have someone. Well that statement is both true and false. Sure you can have someone to sleep with but someone who is more than that, probably not. Atlanta has the largest Black population of homosexual males and yet the relationship ratio here is very small. Why is this? Well there are several different things that could attribute to this; but it all boils down to quantity vs. quality. We have as many people as your eye can see however; most of the people are not of quality.

Quality is defined differently by different people. It doesn’t have to be materialistic; however must of Atlanta sees it this way. What I think are some simple basic qualities are someone who is trying to progress themselves in society to be a better person. All too often the people here are so wrapped up into this lifestyle before they know it years have passed them by. They have no formal education, no career, and many of them have no real family support system. I am not here trying to judge anyone because we all have our faults and so do I, I am merely trying to point out some qualities of Atlanta that makes us have the quantity but we lack the quality.

In smaller cities there is a smaller quantity of people therefore it is less competitive and people have more time to focus on qualitative things in life.  People find someone and they are happy with them. Every time you walk out the door you don’t see someone who is tantalizing to the eye and you think that you may have a chance of living a happier life with them rather than with who you are already with.

Well this wraps up the introduction to my thoughts however there is much more to come. I welcome all questions and comments.

He Bust the Window Out His Car

So Friday was a very interesting day. When I was at work I decided that I would create my own get away for the weekend but stay here in the city. I booked a hotel room at the Hyatt Regency on Peachtree. I went home packed a bag for the night and headed to the hotel. It was a very nice room. I sat on the bed listed to my I-POD and enjoyed the view. Peace and quite finally. I didn’t have to hear anything other than my own heart beat. Sometimes you just need to spend some time alone to gather yourself and think about your life and how things are going. Well Jamison and Ava wanted to go to dinner, so Jamison came and picked me up from the hotel and we went to Chow Baby.
As we walked up we saw Fred with this peculiar guy and we spoke as we were seated. It was Jamison’s first time there so I was a little nervous. He can be quite pretentious at times. Well we waited in line for about 20 minutes before finally preparing our food. We sat back down and waited for the server to bring it to us. We ate out first plate and enjoyed the company of each other. This was what I have been missing for so long. Being able to live in the city and enjoy city life with those who are closet to me. Being out in the suburbs has been great for me for the last six months for many reasons but now it is time to move back.
As we left we were walking to the car and I noticed glass on the ground. Instantly I knew something was wrong. Jamison’s passenger back window has been busted out. Well Ava being the blonde that he is left his messenger bag with his Mac and camera and some other stuff. It was all gone. Jamison was upset I could tell. I tend to know how Jamison is. Most often he is very self centered about things in life so he was upset that his car window had been broken into. I mean I have had my place robbed so I was calm and cool. I tried to be there for both friends. I mean Ava had been most devastated because he just lost a Mac in which he does most of his work on and a camera. This would be way more than the $200 bucks to fix the window and Jamison didn’t think about that. I talked to Jamison about it and tried to get him to understand and he finally did. Sometimes I just wish Jamison wouldn’t be so self centered. But we all have our own flaws and I have mine as well.
When I called the APD (Atlanta Police Department) I spent 5 minutes on hold. For heavens sake suppose it was a real emergency by the time they got to the phone I am sure I would have been dead by then. After the police arrived we left and went to the gas station to vacuum the glass from the car. I told Jamison that we would get the window fixed on Saturday. He dropped me back at my hotel and I relaxed to music and went to sleep.

It was a terrible, horrible, no goof very bad day

So it is 4:20pm and I am sitting in the BMW dealership getting my tire changed. My day just seems to be getting worse by the minutes but I will not let it get me down. Fred Hammond's song "No Weapon" is still fresh on my mind. These are the days in which I must hold fast to the lessons that God teaches us. I have been reading my Bible just as I promised I would at church and I will not let these things get me down.

Today at work I totally went off on my co-workers. I am so tired of these middle aged adults who can't seem to ever see the perspective of life through someone else's other than their own. I mean damn if the world would take into consideration other people's opinions weather you agree with them or not and just listen to then at least you could maybe understand why some people are the way they are. So after our conversation about healthcare I got quiet and began to read my bible. I didn't say much to anyone and everyone thought I had a attitude. I went back to my office sent my boss a email that said I would be taking the rest of the day off and left. Everyone from work was sending me text saying they were worried blah blah blah. I was like there is nothing to worry about I just have to clear my head.

I assume that since I lost my job this same week last year it opened my eyes a lot on the world. I use to think that it was everyone else's fault for being in the situation that they are in and they should work and correct their own problems. But God totally broke me down and built me back up over the past year so I can have a better understanding of my purpose here on this earth. Luke Chapter 3:11 He answereth and saith unto them, He that hath two coats, let him impart to him that hath none; and he that hath meat, let him do likewise. I believe that this is something very dear to my heart. As I look around and see so many people in need one day I will be blessed so that i may help these people.

But anyway let me go I keep rambling on its been a while since I blogged.